Betrayal

It’s funny how we can recognize when someone else is doing us wrong or has betrayed us in some way. We leap with panther-like speed to let them know we will not tolerate this sort of behavior or we quickly exit the situation that does not serve us well. But what do we do when the betrayer is us, betraying us?

I had an epiphany this morning as it relates to my seemingly never ending battle of the over baked muffin top (my midsection). Sitting at the edge of the bed after meditation, this thought materialized: “you have been betraying your body.” As I sat there dumbfounded, I listened to what I was saying.

Really LISTENED.

I heard “You have been betraying your body with inconsistency.”

I have betrayed me by things I have allowed other people to do to me and not stand up for myself. I have betrayed me by allowing my mind to think thoughts that are counterproductive to my emotional well being. I have betrayed me by not setting boundaries and not protecting my space. I have betrayed me by not moving my body consistently.

If I were a cartoon character, the word “BETRAYAL” would have materialized in a bubble above my head, floating along with me as I walked, eyes downcast, hands in my pocket, with some cartoony-sad music playing in the background. I sat and pondered this new revelation for a moment.

WTH has been going on? The Answer: I have been trying to recover from the betrayal caused by others and have ignored the betrayer in the mirror.

Wait, Whaaaattt?

The first thought I decided to evaluate was (being that it was early morning): YOU have been betraying your body.

I said it out loud to hear how it would sound in my ears.

Softly first… “I have been betraying my body. I have been betraying me.”

Then loudly… “I HAVE BEEN BETRAYING MY BODY!”

Wow. What does this mean? I wondered. A voice emerged almost sassily(with hands on its hips I’m sure) saying, “you have betrayed your body by what you have been doing, all the while telling yourself lies like it’s okay to start tomorrow or what’s the point?”

This voice continued (it must have been pretty darn fed up with my shenanigans), “You have been unconsciously yielding to resistance. You even allow this resistance to talk you out of daily movement for your body and now even your body feels like a heavy stranger to you, making noises and stiffening up begging you to pay attention.”

I was hurt by this new knowledge of self. How could I talk to me like that?! But it was true when I sat down to think deeply about it.

“Nahhhh. How could I?” I questioned.

While I am grateful for my body for carrying me these 49 years, I have not been as kind as I should have been to it these last few years. Not fully comprehending I only get one…body.

“I will change this!” I proclaimed.

“I must change this!” I said vehemently.

I take another look at the woman in the mirror. I look deeply into her eyes and I decide to apologize to her.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

I decide to forgive her for her indiscretions against herself.

“I forgive you,” I declare.

I decide to heal her from the inside out and promise to treat her better from his day forward. I promise to not betray her anymore.

“I promise,” I profess.

Sawubona is a Zulu greeting that means “I see you, you are important to me, and I value you.” The proper reply is “Yebo, Sawubona.” which means “I see you, you are important to me, and I value you, TOO.”

As I look into the mirror again, that still, small voice whispers “Sawubona.”

I open my mouth and affirm, “Yebo, Sawubona.”

And we begin…AGAIN.

2 thoughts on “Betrayal

  1. Wow! Betrayed by the person in the mirror. That sounds like a song I too play over and over again. Thank you fir this! Saw Noah my sister!

    Like

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